Physical Illness Always Makes Mental Health SO Much Better *rolls eyes*

Well, I must say I have had a very eventful week.

I went into my fairly new job Monday morning as usual, no big deal. Things were going well, I was enjoying myself. Around 830am I started to get a pain in my side that I ignored. I have a history of acid reflux and assumed I drank too much coffee this morning and figured thats what was causing the pain.

My co-worker around 9 began to threaten to call an ambulance and make a scene because he was convinced it was something serious (to which now I am grateful he made me go) So I finally gave in and made a call to be brought to the ER and skip the embarrassing scene.

I arrived at the ER around 1030 and was immediately given IVs and had over 5 blood tests ran. I laid in agonizing pain for over an hour until someone came back and said it looked like I had an infection in my gallbladder. I will skip the boring medical details and just say I do have a gallbladder infection, it kept me out of work all week, and I may possibly have a gallstone.

None of this helps my mental health. I have laid in a bed all week with very little movement or food. I havent been able to do errands, clean, work out, nothing. I also adore my job and what it brings and I have been missing that.

I need to keep busy. It is what keeps me stable. It is an annoying trait to always have to be busy to be happy, but it is what works.

Now that I have been laying in bed, being able to do nothing for myself (I like to be independent, strong, not be served on) it is pushing me back into my quasi depression. Because here's the cute thing with my mental health. I have situational depression, meaning I do not have a chemical imbalance of any sorts (which means no medication, which is okay by me I suppose) so me not moving at all sends me into.

Which also makes me very unpleasant. I get very angry when I am sad, I wish I could explain why. Thats why my other half is a saint. He gets it and does not get angry at me for lashing out for no reason. I do not deal well with showing my sadness. I think covering it up with anger is an easier thing to deal with.

Needless to say, I have not been a nice girl this week. I am also bummed out because I planned on going back into work today and it was a snow day. Normally, I would love this fact, but I did not like it at 530 this morning when I found out.

Unless I am bleeding out of awkward orifices, I will not be missing work or errands this upcoming week. I may not be at my best, but I refuse to be dormant. Even if it ends up making me physically worse...

My sanity pretty much depends on it. I can not afford to slip back in my depression. Then it will trigger my very present anxiety disorder, which I do refuse to take the medication for unless I am breaking out into hives. I have not taken an anti-anxiety drug since May and I am proud of that. I do not want to be dependant on drugs to feel good. I always felt like it would make me robot.

Anxiety is not fun, but I also have not had an unmanageable panic attack since I was graduating college. I found ways of dealing with it since then. Such as the keeping busy thing, plus Wii fit is my friend when I am too agoraphobia to go to the gym.

I am looking at another sleepless night. I am off to mess with my iphone or find something else to blog about.